p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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