why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
