So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
