You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
