3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize