im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
