I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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