No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
