I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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