Whod you bang
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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