Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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