I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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