She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
