I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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