Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize