I heard we made out
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
