apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I supernannyed him into submission
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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