I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
