drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
