If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
