I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
