with your own penis?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
even my farts smell like vagina
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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