Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
