im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
