I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
