Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
