I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
