tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
