hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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