So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
