Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one two three fourrrrnication!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
