I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
