the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
