Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
