It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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