Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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