Sorry, I don't speak sober.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
pray to the hookup gods
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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