grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
