i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
