Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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