you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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