Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
that may or may not have been my penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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