Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
