The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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