I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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