Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
