Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
