i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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