just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
