I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
