I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
