if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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