maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
