So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In other news, I just burned my penis
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
