Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize