dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
