I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
