She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
