That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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