the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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