I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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