You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
