I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
