nut hugger
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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