You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
