Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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