I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
