You made me cry and you don't even care
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
