We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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