I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
