What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
