addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
