I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
