i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
